Fiancé (1)

"Wow... it looks quite nice, doesn't it?"

"It looks even better in the photo."

"Let me see."

Yeehyeon showed Liu the screen of his phone. The dinner table in the picture — lit by a few candles in place of electric lights and decorated with the gifted chrysanthemums — looked genuinely romantic.

"Whoever took this picture did a great job."

"It looks just like a restaurant."

Yeehyeon looked at the screen with a satisfied expression, and Liu, standing right beside him, looked at Yeehyeon's profile. Sensing his gaze, Yeehyeon looked up at Liu. Their eyes met at such close range that Liu almost reflexively wanted to kiss him — but he decided that was affection even by his own generous standards. He settled for a brief smile and ruffled Yeehyeon's hair instead.

"Don't you think both our cooking skills have improved quite a bit on this trip?"

"If making gnocchi and steak counts as cooking, people who actually know how to cook would laugh."

"Which people?"

"People like Ben or Jun."

"Ah... Jun. The Jun who had an unrequited crush on Seo Yeehyeon and made beef bourguignon for him."

The conversation didn't stop even as they sat down facing each other across the table.

"Stop pretending to be jealous when you're not."

"Not really jealous?"

"You're just teasing me. Everything between you and Jun is fine now..."

"......"

"Oh... it's not?"

Seeing Liu's blank expression, Yeehyeon slowed to a stop, quietly revising the end of his sentence. Even as he poured wine into Liu's glass first, Liu's lips remained set in a firm line.

"That was a long time ago. Awi and Jun get along fine now."

"Me? With that guy? Get along fine?"

Liu opened his eyes wide and pointed at his own chest.

"I just thought... whenever you meet up with The Hands members, you two talk quite well together..."

"I'm much older, so it would look bad if I kept ignoring him. I'm just being sociable for the sake of your reputation."

Liu filled his own glass and set the bottle down at the edge of the table. He added with certainty,

"He still likes you. I can't exactly be friendly toward him."

"That he still likes me is a bit of a stretch..."

"Even though he's still hostile toward me, but calms right down the moment you say a word?"

"That's just because he looks up to you like a hyung..."

"......"

This time, Yeehyeon's words trailed off and stopped abruptly. Liu had been uncertain whether Yeehyeon was joking or being serious, but watching his expression harden, he felt he knew the answer.

Yeehyeon raised his own glass and smiled brightly.

"Shall we make a toast?"

Liu couldn't help but smile back at the clear, simple smile that reminded him of an ink-wash painting.

When had he gotten so good at changing the subject to slip away like this?

Yeehyeon's skill at managing Liu was improving day by day. Even though Liu could see exactly what Yeehyeon was doing, he was simply happy to be played by him.

When Liu's smile continued even after they clinked glasses, Yeehyeon glanced over with a flicker of unease.

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"That smile of yours... What is it?"

"I was just thinking that Seo Yeehyeon has truly become an adult."

"I was an adult when I first met Awi too."

Yeehyeon set down his wine glass, looking somewhat sullen. He had the air of a boy just turned twenty, sulking because he wasn't being treated like a grown-up.

Seo Yeehyeon sulking and grumbling. It was a sight that would have been unimaginable when they first met, when he was around twenty-one.

"No, that's not it. Back then, Seo Yeehyeon was more of a grown-up than an adult."

"You mean I was immature?"

"Of course not. Could there ever have been an immature phase for Seo Yeehyeon? I bet you were composed even when you were five or six."

"Then what?"

Liu gazed thoughtfully at Yeehyeon's face, bright with curiosity. Then, picking up his glass again, he brought it to his lips, cast his eyes down as if it were nothing, and said,

"I was just thinking you've finally learned how to handle me."

"......"

"At first, you seemed like a boy who knew nothing about dating or love. Now you can lift me up and put me down whenever you like."

"That's because Awi had more experience than me — knew all about dating and love."

Yeehyeon grumbling was also a rare sight. Liu leaned his upper body far over the table, eyes gleaming.

"Are you jealous? Jealous of my past?"

"......"

Instead of answering, Yeehyeon stared back in silence with a look that said he found Liu annoying. Liu decided not to tease him any further. With a soft laugh, he reached out and took Yeehyeon's hand, which was resting loosely on the table.

"What do I know?"

"......"

"Don't you know how I lived before I met you?"

They had shared countless conversations over time. For a long-distance couple separated by 9000 kilometers, their main form of dating was phone calls — voice or video. So naturally, they talked a great deal.

Liu had thought it wasn't polite to bring up his past with Yeehyeon, so he had never raised the topic himself. But if Yeehyeon was curious, he was prepared to reveal everything honestly. And for his part, Liu had also wanted, just once, to be on the receiving end of Yeehyeon's jealousy.

However, Yeehyeon was more mature and less prone to emotional waste than anyone Liu knew. He didn't seem like the type to dwell on a past already gone. Liu had almost given up on ever making him jealous.

"When was the last relationship you were in before you met me?"

So when Yeehyeon asked him that question, Liu sat bolt upright — jolted wide awake from the drowsiness that had been settling over him as he listened to Yeehyeon's voice.

"You don't have to answer if it's uncomfortable..."

Yeehyeon had added, his tone hesitant.

Knowing that Yeehyeon was conscious of his past partners and felt something like jealousy over them — it was incredibly endearing. Liu wanted to fly to Paris right then, wrap his arms around him, and bury his lips in that soft cheek.

The fact that Yeehyeon could be jealous over him was both thrilling and sharp. If consideration, hugs, and kisses were the sweetness of love, then jealousy was its sourness. Through Yeehyeon, Liu had tasted both.

Though it wasn't something to boast about at his age, Liu had never been in what he would call a real relationship. There had been people he'd seen a few times, out of interest or curiosity — but each time, the connection had failed to develop into anything serious and just fizzled out. Liu had confessed this to Yeehyeon frankly and calmly.

"To develop a proper relationship, there always comes a point where you have to compromise with each other — and I always got stuck right there. I didn't want to keep seeing someone by changing who I was."

After a few dates, contact would simply trail off, or one of them would take the initiative to say there was no need to see each other anymore, and that was the end of it.

Because he couldn't sustain a relationship with one person for long, rumors circulated in Hong Kong high society that Liu was a playboy. There were also rumors that he was picky and had impossibly high standards. Liu didn't care.

"I just accepted that I wasn't suited for dating, and I thought it would always be that way."

"And then I showed up?"

Yeehyeon was cool like that, and Liu agreed, smiling but serious.

"That's right. My unique Diamond Dust — the kind that neither control nor suppressants could affect — made an appearance."

But to think that Liu Weikun knew everything about love and dating — at this moment, Yeehyeon was simply being petulant. Love had been just as foreign to Liu then as it was to Yeehyeon. He had been a novice who had never sacrificed for anyone, never suffered the agony of longing.

"It was the same for me."

Liu pulled Yeehyeon's hand slightly, squeezing his grip to ask for eye contact.

"It was only you. The fact that I fell so hard I ran wild, and the fact that I learned what real love was by watching and waiting — it all came from you."

"I know... I didn't say that because I doubted how much Kun loves me."

Yeehyeon mumbled, avoiding Liu's gaze, clearly feeling apologetic. He was worried his words might have sounded like doubt.

"Yeah. I know that Seo Yeehyeon knows."

Only then did Yeehyeon manage a slight smile. Liu squeezed his hand once more before letting go. Then he scooped salad onto Yeehyeon's plate: lettuce and arugula, topped with red tomatoes and orange persimmon. A brightly colored, pretty salad.

Swiss cheese was famous and delicious, but Liu hadn't put any in the salad this time. They had tried throughout the trip to eat the local specialties of each region, and had mostly succeeded — but strong-smelling foods like cheese weren't permitted at the dinner table. The reason, of course, was the intimate time that would naturally follow.

"Thank you. I'll enjoy this."

After Liu served him, Yeehyeon offered his thanks before finally picking up his fork.

The two had settled the matter of serving food early in their trip. Yeehyeon insisted he could serve himself; Liu argued that he wanted to do it and asked for permission. They stood firmly opposed, and Liu won.

Even while waiting quietly as Liu served the food, Yeehyeon's expression always seemed to want to grumble.

I can do it myself...

Watching Yeehyeon like that was another source of pleasure for Liu.

All the food was fresh and delicious. Simple dishes always achieve their best flavor when the ingredients are excellent. The red wine, chosen specifically for its lighter texture, paired well not only with the steak but with the salad and basil pesto as well.

"I think you chose a good wine."

"You think so?"

"It goes well with the basil pesto and the steak both."

Liu burst into a cheerful laugh.

"I was thinking the exact same thing. We're a perfect match."

Yeehyeon couldn't help but smile watching Liu find meaning in the smallest things.

Outside the window, the world was slowly, almost imperceptibly, darkening. The candle on the table felt all the brighter for it. Gazing at each other's faces in the warm, flickering orange light, their conversation and laughter seemed endless on the autumn evening.

When the steak and gnocchi were nearly gone, Liu rested the arm holding his wine glass loosely on the table.

"Come to think of it, you seemed to be standing in front of that Schiele painting for quite a long time earlier."

"Ah..."

Yeehyeon let out an awkward laugh, like a boy whose small secret had just been caught. Then he nodded seriously.

"I still feel drawn to the heavier themes, I think. Though I don't know how that might change later."

Life, death, meaning, relationships, anxiety. And despite all that — hope, love.

Yeehyeon immersed himself in more difficult subjects, and opinion in the art world was sharply divided over him.

"There are certainly many aspects of Schiele's private life that I personally can't agree with. But the audacity to choose a potentially uncomfortable theme, or..."

"......"

"And the way he expressed it..."

"......"

Even while speaking, Yeehyeon was constantly organizing his thoughts and carefully choosing his words. After worrying over how to finish his sentence, lightly scratching the stem of his wine glass, Yeehyeon suddenly pressed his lips together and fell completely silent. Then he just looked at Liu across the table.

"Why?"

"Just because. Kun, you're lovely."

"We were talking about Schiele, and suddenly you switch topics?"

"It must be frustrating, but you always wait so patiently for me to finish my thoughts. Watching you like that... made you look lovely."

"That's because even the silence between your words is part of Seo Yeehyeon's language, to me."

As if it were natural — as if it were nothing special — Liu shrugged and tilted the glass he had been twirling in his hand, swallowing the wine. Then he ate a bit more salad.

"This was imported from Italy, wasn't it? I didn't know Italian persimmons could be this good."

"They are. They're delicious."

Yeehyeon, who had been carefully observing Liu, set down his glass and leaned a little further forward, as if there was something he absolutely had to say.

"How does Awi always come up with things like that to say?"

"Hmm? What things?"

"Those... sweet things."

"That the Italian persimmons are good?"

Pfft. Caught off guard, Yeehyeon burst out laughing. The candlelight flickered brightly for a moment before settling back down.

"No. Things like how even the silence between the words is Seo Yeehyeon's language."

"Do I sound like a player?"

"It's different from that. If I thought it was a line, I probably wouldn't have reacted at all."

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's not a problem. It's just that... I can't say things like that to Awi."

"You know it's sincere. That's enough."

Liu said it lightly, as if it were nothing, and offered a light smile. But Yeehyeon still couldn't feel fully reassured. He worried whether his love was being properly conveyed to Liu, or whether he was simply leaning on his older lover's understanding. Confessing even this anxiety was probably just another form of relying on him — but still...

"Don't worry about things like that. I receive plenty of affection."

As Liu topped off Yeehyeon's glass with more wine, a meaningful, slightly suggestive smile played on his lips.

"Seo Yeehyeon is far more expressive with affection than you realize."

"I'm not..."

"You are."

Extending his arm, Liu clinked his glass against Yeehyeon's, flashing a smiling gaze over the candlelight.

"Especially in bed, your love overflows."

Normally, Yeehyeon would have pretended not to hear, his earlobes reddening, or he would have scolded Liu. But perhaps because of the romantic atmosphere, or perhaps because of Liu's face — which looked especially handsome bathed in candlelight — this time he didn't avoid Liu's gaze, though his face flushed slightly. He even managed a small smile, and at that smile, which held ease even in the face of a sexual joke, Liu felt a new kind of thrill from Yeehyeon, different from anything before.

The two drank their wine at almost the same moment and set down their glasses at almost the same moment.

"Kun."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you so much for this trip."

"What do you have to thank me for? We split the expenses in half and divided the planning between us. I didn't really do anything extra, did I?"

"I never would have even dared to attempt this trip on my own."

"......"

Because the promise that could no longer be kept whole must have felt too heavy.

Across the table, Liu's gaze deepened and his expression grew serious.

He should have cracked some easy joke to lighten the mood, or perhaps whispered something sweet until his ears tingled. That's what Liu expected of himself. Instead, he simply reached across the table and found the hand Yeehyeon had resting near his wine glass, taking it in his own. As if silently asking Yeehyeon to speak — and promising to listen to whatever he said.

Yeehyeon squeezed his hand in return, acknowledging him.

"Sending postcards to my father was difficult at first. Even though the promise to go as three couldn't be kept, we could still have gone just the two of us — but then that old feeling started creeping up again, the thought that my father had turned away from me..."

The hand holding Liu's tightened slightly.

"But around the middle of the trip, sending each postcard started to feel more like healing."

"......"

"And today... I wrote this on the postcard."

Liu focused intently on Yeehyeon's voice, barely remembering to breathe.

"That I was glad we took this trip. That I had a happy journey with Awi."

Their gazes, fixed only on each other, trembled with intensity for a moment — then quietly settled.

"Thank you so much for letting me be able to say that. These forty days meant more to me than just a trip."

Liu's lips moved as if to speak. But instead of words, a thin exhale escaped.

No — what he wanted to say was perfectly clear.

The urge to propose rose up strongly once again.

He wanted to embrace Yeehyeon's present, his future, and even his past. He desperately wanted to earn the right to be his partner.

But this time too, Liu held back. He placed his left hand over his right, which was already holding Yeehyeon's, completely enveloping it — offering that gesture in place of his words. Even though it was far from enough to convey the full depth of what he felt.

Yeehyeon smiled faintly, speared the last persimmon remaining in his salad with his fork, and offered it to Liu.

"Kun, you eat more. I've had plenty."

Even as he opened his mouth to accept the fruit, Liu did not let go of Yeehyeon's hand.

"Is it good?"

He nodded in response — but somehow, he couldn't quite taste it.

All he could think about was wanting this person before him to be his partner.

The long candle had burned down to a stub. Even half-obscured by the maple tree in the courtyard, the light of the autumn moon was clear and bright.